Strengthening Families & Marriages

It seems nearly every day there is something else astonishing in the news--most of it bad or repugnant. Short of hiding our heads in the sand or hibernating in a cave until the Second Coming, we will be faced with crass or even overtly sick material in the media from time to time. What is a parent to do? How do we prepare our children for that which they will most likely see, if not already seen?

News articles in the last month have talked about teen girls texting nude photos of themselves to unsuspecting guys in their high school or middle school classes--all in the hopes the boy will want to ask them out on a date. What is a parent to do? How do we prepare our sons for these kinds of matters?

Other researchers have now said that nearly half of high school students know fellow students with porn on their cell phones. What is a parent to do? How can we help prepare our children for the onslaught of evil that now is engulfing this planet?

Talk to any social psychologist who has studied longitudinally the effects of pornography. They will speak to the chemical changes it induces in the brain. They will speak to the numbing effect it has on "right and wrong." Pornography is not harmless "entertainment," much as the purveyors of this "entertainment" will put forth (remember, they profit from those addicted to the stuff).

Again, what is a parent to do for their children, especially those who are young and not aware of what lurks out there in the world? I think Brigham Young's counsel is pertinent for our children today (Brigham Young was one of the early presidents for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the official title for the Mormon church). He said:

"Learn...and be prepared for the most refined society upon the face of the earth, then improve upon this until we are prepared and permitted to enter the society of the blessed--the holy angels that dwell in the presence of God" (Journal of Discourses 16:77).

It's a funny thing about magnetic attraction. Heard the saying, "Like attracts like"? Building a refined family will help shape refined children. Refined children will be more likely to be drawn toward refined literature, activities, and endeavors. They will be more likely to shun that which is crass, vulgar, or rude.

How do we build refinement in our children? Again, Brigham Young gave this counsel:

"Our education should be such as to improve our minds and fit us for increased usefulness; to make us of greater service to the human family, to enable us to stop our rude methods of living, speaking, and thinking" (The Prophets Have Spoken, Vol 1, p 626).

Brigham Young wasn't just speaking about grade school and high school years when he spoke of education; he was speaking of our lifelong journey on this earth.

As parents we can set the example of refined living and education (that which we learn from) by what we choose to watch, what we choose to wear, what we choose to read, and so on. The more refined we are, the more likely our children will follow suit. And the better equipped they will be to handle the vulgarities of the world!

At the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, referred to as the Mormons, 178th Annual General Conference Elder Russell M. Nelson, a living Apostle of our Lord Jesus Christ, stated:

This life is the time to prepare for salvation and exaltation. In God’s eternal plan, salvation is an individual matter; exaltation is a family matter. (Russell M. Nelson, “Salvation and Exaltation,” Ensign, May 2008, 7–10)

Let's take a look at the definition of salvation: "In the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the terms "saved" and "salvation" have various meanings. As used in Romans 10:9-10, the words "saved" and "salvation" signify a covenant relationship with Jesus Christ. Through this covenant relationship, followers of Christ are assured salvation from the eternal consequences of sin if they are obedient."

Salvation is entirely up to each one of us, individually. A covenant relationship with Jesus Christ is something precious given to us by the Lord. When we left our heavenly home we set forth on this mortal journey with great excitement and energy, determined to accomplish the purposes of our mortal probation. Before leaving we made promises, covenants, with our Savior. Things that we promised to accomplish on His behalf. For example, we may have made promises to:

• Marry and raise a family up unto God, or
• To teach the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the world, or
• To mentor parentless or single parent children, or
• To live our lives in such a way as to emulate Jesus Christ, or
• To be a true and loyal friend, or
• To be a mother, or
• To be a father, or
• To be a scientist who cures disease, or
• To be a doctor who save lives, or

The possibilities are literally endless. The greatest promise we made was to reach the fullest of our potential as children of God. This is where salvation is dependent on us. How badly do we want to return to Jesus Christ?

First and foremost, we must have faith that Jesus Christ really is the Son of God. We must have faith that He is our Savior and Redeemer. Elder Nelson tells us:

The development of faith in the Lord is an individual matter. Repentance is also an individual matter. Only as an individual can one be baptized and receive the Holy Ghost. Each of us is born individually; likewise, each of us is “born again” individually. Salvation is an individual matter. (Ibid Elder Russell M. Nelson)

In other words, it us up to us to make the best of what our Father in Heaven has given us. He gave us His Son, Jesus Christ, to redeem the world . . . all the children of God, no matter when or where they've lived, live or have yet to live. No matter their race, culture, creed or religion, Jesus Christ is the Messiah to us all.

Once we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior and Redeemer, even accepted Him as real as you or I, then it is our job to become better people.

Once we have become all we can become, individually, it is time to continue the progression on to exaltation, which is indeed, a family matter. We cannot become exalted until we are part of a family, our family. The definition of exaltation is: "Eternal life is the phrase used in scripture to define the quality of life that our Eternal Father lives. The Lord declared, "This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). Immortality is to live forever as a resurrected being. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, everyone will receive this gift. Eternal life, or exaltation, is to live in God's presence and to continue as families (see D&C 131:1–4). Like immortality, this gift is made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. However, to inherit eternal life requires our "obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel" (Articles of Faith 1:3)."

Mormons believe deeply and strongly in the eternal family. It is one of the greatest parts of Heavenly Father's plan of salvation. It is the thing that keeps us moving forward through all obstacles, trials and tragedies . . . the thought that we can be with our family forever and do so in the presence of God is truly a goal worth fighting for.

Elder Nelson tell us:

Individual progression is fostered in the family, which is “central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” The home is to be God’s laboratory of love and service. There a husband is to love his wife, a wife is to love her husband, and parents and children are to love one another.

Throughout the world, the family is increasingly under attack. If families fail, many of our political, economic, and social systems will also fail. And if families fail, their glorious eternal potential cannot be realized.

Our Heavenly Father wants husbands and wives to be faithful to each other and to esteem and treat their children as an heritage from the Lord. In such a family we study the scriptures and pray together. And we fix our focus on the temple. There we receive the highest blessings that God has in store for His faithful children. (Ibid)

Our family units on earth are patterned after the eternal family we left behind, in heaven. When an apostle of the Lord tells us that the family is central to exaltation, the greatest level a child of God can reach, then it is a very important thing to remember. Through the power of prayer we are able to gain the strength and courage we need to keep moving forward.

Family means love. Family means support. Family means strength. Family means courage. Family means . . . everything.

Resurrection, or immortality, comes to every man and every woman as an unconditional gift.

Eternal life, or celestial glory or exaltation, is a conditional gift. Conditions of this gift have been established by the Lord, who said, “If you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.” Those qualifying conditions include faith in the Lord, repentance, baptism, receiving the Holy Ghost, and remaining faithful to the ordinances and covenants of the temple. (Ibid)

Do not fear if you are alone. The Lord knows the true intent of your heart and although life may seem lonely at this time, you truly have only to live up to the potential of being a child of God and leave the rest in the hands of God. You are descended of a long line of ancestors, going back to Adam and Eve, who will stand with you in the eternities. Your job is simply to do all you can to become the person God needs you to be, keep your heart and mind open to the possibilities He will present to you and trust that you are in His care. Despite all the world presents to you, trust in Jesus Christ. Trust that family is eternal.

If family is not in the future for you, families can be formed through the bonds of friendship as well as through the bonds of church members. Trust that the Lord will place people in your path who will help you to ease the sorrow. On your knees, if you will pour your heart out and listen, I mean really listen, then the Savior will offer that comfort you need until your eternal family bonds are formed.

Simply believe, that through your attained salvation, exaltation can be found if you have not walked away from the opportunities the Lord has placed in your path.

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love you. They love you more than you can possibly know or ever understand. A way and path has been provided, through Jesus Christ, to find our way back to our heavenly home and that exaltation, and family, awaits.

You may have heard Mormons talk about FHE. FHE is short for "Family Home Evening." As Mormons (or members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), we believe in the sacred nature of family. We believe that families are special and deserving of the finest within each of us. The Mormon church helps us create the strongest families possible in Christ, and one of those ways is through Family Home Evening ... FHE.

Just what is FHE? As defined at the Mormon church's website, Family Home Evening is:

"...a special time set aside each week that brings family members together and strengthens their love for each other, helps them draw closer to Heavenly Father, and encourages them to live righteously."

The Church recommends that families set aside Monday evenings regularly for this kind of family fun. And I have to tell you, FHEs are fun! Well, that is, they are fun when approached in the right kind of attitude. I suppose FHEs could be icky if each weekly Family Home Evening became a "rag-on-the-kids-for-all-the-things-they-did-wrong" night.

But if a family remembers that FHE's purpose is really to strengthen love for one another in a family and to draw closer to God, the approach becomes quite different.

Here are a couple of suggestions on how to start having a Family Home Evening that can strengthen your family's bonds with one another, strengthen your relationship with God, and create a home atmosphere that becomes an oasis in the midst of the frightening deserts of life.

1. First, remember the purpose.
   In other words, always remember the purpose of FHE is to nurture each other. Always plan FHE with this in mind and you will be much more successful in your final outcome.
2. Second, remember the Lord.
   In other words, in addition to strengthening family bonds, one of the most important purposes in holding FHE is to help your family draw closer to God. So start your little gathering each time singing a hymn and offering a prayer. Then after the actual FHE lesson or activity, remember to close by singing another hymn and offering a closing prayer. The spirit of God will permeate your FHE this way when humbly offered.
3. Three, remember joy.
   In other words, plan an activity that can bring joy to the hearts of your family members. Whether your lesson is centered on a certain scripture verse, whether your lesson is actually one of service by taking cookies to a sorrowful neighbor, always remember that joy will last longer as a memory than practically any other experience.

Feel free to visit this link to learn more about Family Home Evenings and how they can strengthen your family, draw your family members closer together, and bring you all closer to God.

At this link we read the following:

Church leaders have instructed members to set aside Monday night as "family home evening." This is a time for families to study the gospel together and to do other activities that strengthen the family spiritually, create family memories, and increase unity and love.

The portion that catches my eye in this quote is "create family memories." As you think back on your family in recent times, how are those "family memories" going?

Many families in the world struggle currently. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or the Mormons), we too face challenges. Our youth are growing up in a world that insists on pushing unhealthy lifestyles in the faces of younger and younger kids. What is a parent to do?

Well, as Mormons, we hold Family Home Evenings (FHE). Of course, no family is perfect. But for the families who hold FHEs consistently, over time their children fare better as they grow up. I've written about this in other blogs, but sociological studies have shown that children are less likely to do drugs and they also do better in school when the families get together for at least one group activity a week.

I find that most interesting, since Mormon church leaders have been counseling Mormon members to hold Family Home Evenings for some time - this counsel has existed for nearly one hundred years!

If you would like to try Family Home Evening yourself, I'll give you some helpful links below. But first, here are a few suggestions:

1. Know that expectations and reality rarely "jive" perfectly.
In other words, it takes time to begin a new process. Begin small. Set a goal to get together every week, ideally on a Monday night. Have the goal be a simple one: joyful interaction. You can smooth the process as you go, but if your overall goal is one of joyful interaction, you'll be more likely to achieve those happy "family memories" quoted above.

2. Know that each child needs something different ... and the same.
All of us are unique, aren't we? That is what makes life so interesting. So take just a moment to ponder on each of your children, if you have any. Bring each one to mind. What do you appreciate about each one? What worries you about each one? Why not then begin to create "FHEs" to support your children in their unique personalities? Pray over how to fashion each FHE that will serve well your family members; the Lord will guide you in this endeavor. And I know you know the most delightful thing about family relationships: each child also needs the same thing ... love! :0)

3. Know that you don't need to "recreate the wheel."
There are many ways to structure a Family Home Evening. You aren't alone in figuring out how to hold one. Here are several links to previous blogs here at LDSBlogs.com full of ideas:

• Strengthening the Family
• Your First Family Home Evening
• Weekly Family Home Evening
• Tips for a Successful Family Home Evening
• FHE Idea: Giving Thanks to Someone

Additionally, there are other resources to help you get started. This link is a great one to help you understand more fully the concept of FHE and to help you begin this successful bonding tool for your family.

When you incorporate a weekly Family Home Evening, over time you should see a bonding and a tightening amongst family members - as you approach each FHE with a "joyful" approach. The impact might not be seen immediately. But just as a seed planted in a garden will grow with proper care, your family can grow up unto the Lord by adding a weekly Family Home Evening joyful time. Make FHEs lighthearted, but spiritually focused and I think you'll see some great memories forming as you go through life!

Again, for more information, feel free to visit this link to get started!

Studies have shown that families who go on an outing once a week are more successful in raising balanced children.

Perhaps this is not surprising to you, but it surprised me. Honestly, our family had become so busy with so many individual activities that a family group outing had become fairly scarce, not counting Sabbath Day worship.

But the more I thought of what researchers had found, the more it made sense that a weekly family activity had such high impact. Even more surprising, the impact was highest upon teenagers. This again surprised me, because not yet having teenagers at the time, I'd assumed that no teenager wanted to be with their family - only instead with their friends.

The presenters at the conference from whom I heard these studies expressed how much depth they'd gone into regarding the research, especially in its bearing on teens.

And I thought how much this parallels what the Lord has spoken to us about families and their importance. In fact, guess what the Mormon prophets have consistently taught? A family togetherness time called Family Home Evening.

Within this weekly Family Home Evening (warmly called "FHE" by many), we set aside Monday nights to spend time as a family. The structure is determined by the parents, through prayer and introspection as to how best to bring love and closeness into the family.

Oftentimes the FHE will consist of lessons that include games that get everyone having a great time. But always FHE begins and ends with a prayer and a hymn, because these two things will bring the Lord's spirit in powerful ways.

The importance of FHE cannot be overstated nor mentioned enough. Families who take the time to spend each Monday evening together will find greater strength in relationships over time (of course, some families need to adjust this to another consistent weekly time).

The power of togetherness is tremendous. It's very similar to a garden. A farmer must plant seeds to have eventual food. Those seeds represent our children. One must then water those seeds and watch for weeds vigilantly. Otherwise, that which we've begun will fail.

"Watering" and "watching" must be done consistently for our children to grow up straight and tall before the Lord. Daily prayer and scripture study provides the weeding, but a weekly fun-fest as a family during Family Home Evening can bring much living water to strengthen our children's growth throughout their lifetime. You'll find many FHE ideas here at LDSBlogs.com under the various topics. Come back often to find fun ideas to strengthen you and your family!

The family is central to the gospel of Jesus Christ. As such, the Lord has shared through His prophets how to strengthen the family and to increase joy within it. One of those ways is to hold weekly what is called "Family Home Evening."

Usually Family Home Evening (or FHE is it's often called) is held in the home, but really, it can be held anywhere. The entire point is to strengthen the bonds between family members through spiritually engaging means.

Often times my family will structure our FHEs through the following pattern. First, we will start by singing a hymn. Hymns will bring the spirit of God in amazing and profound ways. If you do not have a hymnal, here is a link to not only an online one, but you can also hear the music played for each hymn. This is a great way to learn beautiful new hymns of praise to the Savior. Each week you could pick a new hymn to learn as a family and then sing it throughout the rest of the week.

After my family has opened FHE with a hymn, then we as the parents invite a family member to pray. The person calls on Heavenly Father and gratitude is expressed for the amazing and bounteous blessings the Lord gives us. Perhaps the family is experiencing health problems, but my husband is still employed. Perhaps the children are struggling with their schooling, but they have good friends. Whatever the family and the situation, there truly are always blessings to thank God for. Additionally during this prayer, help is petitioned from the Lord. Finally we close in the name of Jesus Christ and the family joins in by saying, "Amen."

After the opening song and prayer, we then gather round to share a favorite scripture verse. Or perhaps a family member had a wonderful experience sharing the good news of the gospel with a friend during the week. Whatever the experience or spiritual thought, we try to include this as an opener to the rest of our FHE.

Then comes the really fun part (at least for the little kids). One family member has prepared during the week an activity or even a lesson to share with the rest of the family. And even though the activity might be a zany game, like Simon Says, we work to have it symbolize a spiritual thought (such as, "Just because the world says to do something, do you do it?"). After playing the game, or doing an activity, or participating in the lesson, we spend a few minutes to close FHE by discussing how those things apply to our life. We also talk about or ask how we can help each other during the coming week.

Then we close by singing another hymn and then by praying. And then of course, there are refreshments afterwards. Nothing beats sitting around with your family members in a relaxed and casual state, munching and chatting about just life in general.

Yes, indeed, Family Home Evenings can be the glue that bonds a family together. And for more ideas, feel free to visit here.

One of the most important things you can do for your family is to hold a weekly Family Home Evening. But for many who are new to the church, this might seem an odd event. Just what is Family Home Evening (FHE, for short)?

Family Home Evening is an opportunity for the family to gather around once a week in a somewhat formal setting to enjoy one another's company and to deepen the spirituality of each family member. It really is a delightful experience.

The church, in fact, has suggested that each family set aside Monday night as a dedicated night to spend time together with each other. Here is an outline you could follow as you seek to enjoy this time with your loved ones.

1. Opening Song. Oftentimes families will begin their FHE with a hymn. Hymns are potent tools to bring the spirit of the Lord into the home. In fact, the more you sing hymns with each other, the more the spirit seems to abide within the home. Thus, it's a great idea to start every FHE with a hymn. If you're not that familiar with the hymns (a common situation for many who do not play a musical instrument), you can visit this site: http://www.lds.org/churchmusic/. This site is great, because not only does it give you the lyrics to the hymns but you can also hear the hymns played and even sung!

2. Opening Prayer. After beginning with a hymn, ask for a volunteer to offer a prayer to invite the Lord's spirit. The Lord will bless you and help you as you do so.

3. Lesson. After the Opening Prayer, now comes the time for a brief lesson. There are many options for this part of FHE; all up to you. Some families assign the lesson (in fact, each of the FHE components) to different family members each week. Others have just the parents teach the lessons, depending on the age of the children. Some weeks families schedule a service project as the lesson itself. Whatever your approach, remember that the purpose of FHE is for the family to enjoy time together. Make sure to leave any criticizing or frustrations outside of the FHE time together. In this crazy world, children are exposed to brashness and unkindness most places they go. The home needs to be an oasis.

4. (Optional) Closing Hymn.

Closing Prayer. Make sure to ask before praying if family members have any concerns they'd like addressed in the prayer. And make sure that each week a different family member has the offer extended to them to pray. Most importantly, though, do not force any member to participate. Just invite. This is the pattern the Lord follows and we want to follow in that pattern!

5. Refreshments. This can be one of the best parts of FHE. The lesson will strengthen each other through spiritual ways; chatting and "chowing" after FHE can bond family members together even further. Nothing is funner than creating crazy banana-boat ice-cream splits or shnazzily-iced cookie contests.

Families are meant to be enjoyed. It seems so much in this world seeks to destroy that enjoyment. Family Home Evenings, held every Monday night, can do much to patch and repair the damage that comes to most every family at some point along the way. Best of all, if approached properly, FHE is fun!