Strengthening Families & Marriages

It seems nearly every day there is something else astonishing in the news--most of it bad or repugnant. Short of hiding our heads in the sand or hibernating in a cave until the Second Coming, we will be faced with crass or even overtly sick material in the media from time to time. What is a parent to do? How do we prepare our children for that which they will most likely see, if not already seen?

News articles in the last month have talked about teen girls texting nude photos of themselves to unsuspecting guys in their high school or middle school classes--all in the hopes the boy will want to ask them out on a date. What is a parent to do? How do we prepare our sons for these kinds of matters?

Other researchers have now said that nearly half of high school students know fellow students with porn on their cell phones. What is a parent to do? How can we help prepare our children for the onslaught of evil that now is engulfing this planet?

Talk to any social psychologist who has studied longitudinally the effects of pornography. They will speak to the chemical changes it induces in the brain. They will speak to the numbing effect it has on "right and wrong." Pornography is not harmless "entertainment," much as the purveyors of this "entertainment" will put forth (remember, they profit from those addicted to the stuff).

Again, what is a parent to do for their children, especially those who are young and not aware of what lurks out there in the world? I think Brigham Young's counsel is pertinent for our children today (Brigham Young was one of the early presidents for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the official title for the Mormon church). He said:

"Learn...and be prepared for the most refined society upon the face of the earth, then improve upon this until we are prepared and permitted to enter the society of the blessed--the holy angels that dwell in the presence of God" (Journal of Discourses 16:77).

It's a funny thing about magnetic attraction. Heard the saying, "Like attracts like"? Building a refined family will help shape refined children. Refined children will be more likely to be drawn toward refined literature, activities, and endeavors. They will be more likely to shun that which is crass, vulgar, or rude.

How do we build refinement in our children? Again, Brigham Young gave this counsel:

"Our education should be such as to improve our minds and fit us for increased usefulness; to make us of greater service to the human family, to enable us to stop our rude methods of living, speaking, and thinking" (The Prophets Have Spoken, Vol 1, p 626).

Brigham Young wasn't just speaking about grade school and high school years when he spoke of education; he was speaking of our lifelong journey on this earth.

As parents we can set the example of refined living and education (that which we learn from) by what we choose to watch, what we choose to wear, what we choose to read, and so on. The more refined we are, the more likely our children will follow suit. And the better equipped they will be to handle the vulgarities of the world!

We can read the following quote from one of the websites for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

"When we have knowledge and wisdom, we are better able to discern truth from error and make good choices. Education and literacy are also keys to personal growth, preparation for suitable employment, building strong families, service in the Church, and making a meaningful contribution to the society in which we live."

Here are a few links to help you increase education and literacy in your family. The links will take you to articles and essays that others have written addressing how to help your children make wise educational choices. The main link is found here. The specific links are below:

• "Encouraging Parents to Teach Their Children"
• "Getting a Jump on Learning"
• "Education Without a Classroom"
• "Getting Involved in Your Child's Education"
• "The Treasure You Will Take with You"

Personally, I find that in the midst of all other influences, children do take their parents' lead. For example, a study showed that if children saw their mother reading, those children were twice as likely to engage in reading compared to peers. If the father read, the children were three times more likely to read. And if both parents frequently were seen reading, the kids were SIX times more likely to love reading than peers. Parents' impact will be felt in the lives of the kids.

I know that my husband and I have had to discuss the impact of the TV. This may not be for others as it was a personal decision, but we decided to get rid of satellite and cable TV, opting instead for a simple TV antenna. This way we've simplified our lifestyle to a few local channels and news.

The impact? Our younger children are actually reaching for books instead of a TV remote.

Six weeks later, I'm astonished at the outcome! My children are playing together more nicely and they are seeking activities that actually expand themselves. For example, I found my six year old practicing his penmanship on his own one evening, spending more than 30 minutes in the experience and quietly seemed to enjoy it! And my twelve year old reads books now in her spare time ... in spite of her severe learning disabilities!

My children aren't perfect. They do still quarrel at times and don't always make perfect choices. But I've seen that by allowing space for "education and literacy" in our family lifestyle, my children are progressing much more quickly towards better choices. And their educational skills are increasing.

I'm grateful for modern Church leadership that gives us such sage counsel as that above. I'll print it again:

"When we have knowledge and wisdom, we are better able to discern truth from error and make good choices. Education and literacy are also keys to personal growth, preparation for suitable employment, building strong families, service in the Church, and making a meaningful contribution to the society in which we live."

To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as the Mormons), feel free to click here.

As Mormons we believe the glory of God is intelligence. In D&C 93:36 we read:

"The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth."

As such, education is an important component for those who belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The Prophet and President of our church, President Gordon B. Hinckley, has said regarding the universities the church sponsors:

"People ask why we sponsor such a large and costly institution that is basically concerned with secular education. But we shall keep these as flagships testifying to the great and earnest commitment of this Church to education, both ecclesiastical and secular, and while doing so prove to the world that excellent secular learning can be gained in an environment of religious faith" (Gordon B. Hinckley, "Why We Do Some of the Things We Do," Ensign, Nov 1999).

Several of the universities the Church sponsors are BYU, BYU-Idaho, BYU-Hawaii, and the LDS Business College. As Mormons, we are very interested in not only being educated ourselves, but also to stimulate and encourage education amongst our youth and others.

An excellent website to help youth understand the importance of a good education is BeSmart.com. This site walks a young person through the essential nature of high school preparation, how to approach ACT/SAT testing, and includes help with career exploration. There are also sections at the site regarding how to finance college, in addition to help for those who are interested in long-distance learning, called Independent Study.

One of the church's delightful programs that also aids young people in keeping a wholesome outlook in life (and striving to better themselves) is a program called "Especially for Youth." You can find out more about that great summer camp by clicking here. For example, the theme for the 2008 camps is "Steady & Sure", based off the scripture found in the Book of Mormon: "Be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works" (Mosiah 5:15).

Another indicator that Mormons value education is the Church's "Perpetual Education Fund". Its stated purpose according to the PEF website is: "This resource is for faithful young members of the Church who wish to improve their education, find a good job, and better serve their family, the Church and their community."

The PEF program began in 2001 for individuals throughout the world who desired to seek education, but could not afford it. The inspiration behind the program is beautiful and I invite you to learn more by clicking here.

Again, for Mormons education is a tremendous and essential part of our earthly existence. It is one way we express our gratitude to our Savior Jesus Christ for the gift of life He has given us. We seek to better ourselves and the world we live in as a manifestation of our love for Him and our Heavenly Father.

When was the last time you thought about your education? In the uncertain world we live in, keeping your education up-to-date is a choice full of wisdom.

Men and women alike, it is in the best self-interest of all to seek learning. For example, President Hinckley stated to women:

" ... women today are afforded the same opportunity to study for science, for the professions, and for every other fact of human knowledge. You are as entitled as are men to the Spirit of Christ, which enlightens every man and woman who comes into the world ... "

Of course the Lord desires that women keep family and marriage as first priorities, because children need their mother's nurturing now perhaps stronger than at any other time in the history of the world. But President Hinckley did instruct women that where applicable to "pursue educational programs" and an "appreciation of the arts and culture" (Ensign, Nov 1985, 89).

Whether for women or men, there are many options to increase your education. Perhaps your company offers financial aid if you go back to school. Some companies do this, if the courses or degree you pursue will aid you in your company job. What better way to increase your education for little to no money!

One way to pursue education is to look for the time-cracks in your life. In other words, do you have your summers free? What about going back to school during the summer term? You could start slowly by taking one class, as a way to test the water and see where your interests might lead you. Remember, the Lord blesses those who are proactively bettering their lives.

What about night classes. This might feel very comfortable when you discover how many adults are in your class. It's an enjoyable way to wiggle back into the academic world, because oftentimes the classes will just meet once a week. The schedules tend to be shorter and the homework assignments sometimes are abbreviated for night-time students.

Another option is that of correspondence classes. Even BYU offers these. I've participated in these. You can find a broad range of opportunities, from photography classes to science classes to even complete degrees offered through long-distance programs!

The Lord teaches us:

"seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith" (D&B 88:118).

It takes faith to initiate education; it takes study. Both please the Lord. And you never know when pursuing additional education will come in handy - when you need it most!