Strengthening Families & Marriages

It seems nearly every day there is something else astonishing in the news--most of it bad or repugnant. Short of hiding our heads in the sand or hibernating in a cave until the Second Coming, we will be faced with crass or even overtly sick material in the media from time to time. What is a parent to do? How do we prepare our children for that which they will most likely see, if not already seen?

News articles in the last month have talked about teen girls texting nude photos of themselves to unsuspecting guys in their high school or middle school classes--all in the hopes the boy will want to ask them out on a date. What is a parent to do? How do we prepare our sons for these kinds of matters?

Other researchers have now said that nearly half of high school students know fellow students with porn on their cell phones. What is a parent to do? How can we help prepare our children for the onslaught of evil that now is engulfing this planet?

Talk to any social psychologist who has studied longitudinally the effects of pornography. They will speak to the chemical changes it induces in the brain. They will speak to the numbing effect it has on "right and wrong." Pornography is not harmless "entertainment," much as the purveyors of this "entertainment" will put forth (remember, they profit from those addicted to the stuff).

Again, what is a parent to do for their children, especially those who are young and not aware of what lurks out there in the world? I think Brigham Young's counsel is pertinent for our children today (Brigham Young was one of the early presidents for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the official title for the Mormon church). He said:

"Learn...and be prepared for the most refined society upon the face of the earth, then improve upon this until we are prepared and permitted to enter the society of the blessed--the holy angels that dwell in the presence of God" (Journal of Discourses 16:77).

It's a funny thing about magnetic attraction. Heard the saying, "Like attracts like"? Building a refined family will help shape refined children. Refined children will be more likely to be drawn toward refined literature, activities, and endeavors. They will be more likely to shun that which is crass, vulgar, or rude.

How do we build refinement in our children? Again, Brigham Young gave this counsel:

"Our education should be such as to improve our minds and fit us for increased usefulness; to make us of greater service to the human family, to enable us to stop our rude methods of living, speaking, and thinking" (The Prophets Have Spoken, Vol 1, p 626).

Brigham Young wasn't just speaking about grade school and high school years when he spoke of education; he was speaking of our lifelong journey on this earth.

As parents we can set the example of refined living and education (that which we learn from) by what we choose to watch, what we choose to wear, what we choose to read, and so on. The more refined we are, the more likely our children will follow suit. And the better equipped they will be to handle the vulgarities of the world!

My daughter asked me yesterday, with great concern in her young voice, why bad things had to happen to good people. She was thinking of the people in Burma (Myanmar) and in China with the recent, horrific events they're experiencing.

I thought of what a deep question this was and indeed, a question that has been asked by people and individuals off and on throughout the history of the world.

I am not a philosopher by trade. In fact, the first two times I attempted to take a required Philosophy class in college, I dropped the class both times; the thinkings were deep and difficult to follow. But because I couldn't graduate without the class, I finally tried a third time. This time, the newest professor actually made sense and his overall enthusiasm soon moved me to a spot where Philosophy became my favorite subject.

But this still doesn't mean I can answer deep philosophical questions the same way a true professional "Philosopher" would. In fact, at dictionary.com the definitions of the term "philosophy" are multiple (how ironic this is -- even within the definition there are different approaches and answers about this one word!).

One definition is: "the rational investigation of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct." Another definition is "the critical study of the basic principles and concepts of a particular branch of knowledge, esp. with a view to improving or reconstituting them: the philosophy of science."

But one of the final definitions mentioned really struck me: "a system of principles for guidance in practical affairs." And it is from this perspective that I want to write today.

As rhetorical as some people could get about "why bad things happen to good people", all of that rhetoric doesn't help soothe the anguish of the moment experienced by individuals suffering through severe times, such as those people in Burma or in China with the cyclone or earthquake (respectively).

But Jesus Christ does speak to this suffering. First of all, He knows of what He speaks. He, who bled from every pore in the Garden of Gethsemane, knows of suffering. He knows of anguish. For He carried it all so that He might know how to succor God's children. And here is what He said,

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls" (Matthew 11:28-29).

I may not have all the philosophical answers to the difficult questions of the world, but I know Someone who does. I testify that He does lift burdens and answer unanswerable questions. All we need do is turn to Him.

Here is more information about Jesus Christ and some of the answers He provides to some of the more unanswerable questions of this life.

I've been studying recently in an instructional booklet put out by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon church because of our belief and use of The Book of Mormon). The instructional booklet is called Improving Gospel Teaching. It is a guide to improve gospel teaching moments, usually in the classroom but also in all other locations.

Perhaps it should not be surprising to find so much information within the booklet about and for parents, when overall the text is essentially geared for teachers within the Church. Because after all, parents are the teachers with greatest impact upon the main body of the Church.

Here is a paragraph from the chapter "Gospel Teaching in the Church":

"God has given His children their agency. Agency is the power to choose good or evil -- to either partake of the plan of redemption or reject it.

"To be able to choose good and partake of the plan of redemption, we must learn of the Savior and the doctrines of His gospel. He has commanded, 'Learn of me, and listen to my words' (D&C 19:23). In response to this commandment, individual members of the Church should study the scriptures and the teachings of latter-day prophets, ponder and pray about them, and apply them in their lives" ("Gospel Teaching in the Church," Improving Gospel Teaching, p. 1).

What a simple path this lays out for us as parents -- to teach our children to:

• Study the scriptures,
• Study the teachings of the latter-day prophets,
• Ponder and pray about them,
• and Apply them in our lives.

Yet these things are not likely to happen consistently for our families if we as parents do not lay out a plan to achieve them. That's when I began thinking about my family's daily activities. First, am I carving out time each day for family scripture study? It need not be hard, scripture study need not be lengthy, it need not be complicated. It simply needs to happen. The word of God can be read for free online or can be inexpensively purchased. How we obtain our books of scripture does not matter as much as making sure we do and then read daily from them.

Second, what about studying the word of God through His living prophets? This could be a great Sunday afternoon activity as a family to visit this link to hear the modern prophets speak -- even if it were only one discourse a week!

Third, have I carved a simple time out of my day to ponder and pray on these things I've read? Have I done the same for my family? A family that prays together stays together, or so the saying goes. Why not start each day with family prayer, everyone kneeling and one person offering their thanks, praises and requests of God? And then end the day each evening the same way. There is a sweet spirit that enters family life for each family who pursues this activity. The Lord waits to bless us and quickly responds to requests for His aid.

Following through with these first three steps mentioned above ensures that we are in the process of applying God's words in our lives. And what transformations begin to happen! I've seen it in the lives of others; I've felt it in my own family's life. As Elder Bruce R. McConkie, a previous apostle for the Mormon church, said:

"Each person must learn the doctrines of the gospel for himself. No one else can do it for him. Each person stands alone where gospel scholarship is concerned; each has access to the same scriptures and is entitled to the guidance of the same Holy Ghost; each must pay the price set by a divine Providence if he is to gain the pearl of great price" (Doctrines of the Restoration: Sermons and Writings of Bruce R. McConkie, ed. Mark L. McConkie [1989], 234).

Truly each one has the responsibility to learn of God and of His manifest goodness. And what a joy it is as a parent to be the guide for our children in that process! Here is a quick and easy link to free online scriptures. Enjoy reading them with your family and enjoying the pearl of great price the Lord has given us to sustain us through our days on earth!

This title, "Home - The Central Place," caught my eye. I was reading in an instructional booklet put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (casually called the Mormons). The booklet was called "Improving Gospel Teaching: A Leader's Guide." Published in 1998, it contains much information under these various headings:

• Gospel Teaching in the Church,
• Leader Support of Teachers,
• Teacher Improvement Meetings,
• and the "Teaching the Gospel" Course.

But it was while I was reading in this booklet that I saw the sub-title, "Home: The Central Place." Actually, the full title was/is "Home: The Central Place for Learning and Teaching the Gospel." The entire title caught my attention, because I realized with great strength how true that saying is.

Imagine a child that goes to church and hears that Jesus taught we should love one another, yet the child returns home and is hit by his parents. Imagine a child that goes to church and hears that we should be honest, yet goes home and sees his parent keeping too much change the store clerk unknowingly gave. Imagine that same child hearing God's truth that the Sabbath day is holy, yet sees his parents hosting a raucous party on Sunday for the Super Bowl.

Yet on the reverse, imagine that same child (instead) hearing during Sunday services about loving one another and returning home to hear his mother say, "Son, you matter to me," accompanied by a big hug. Picture that child hearing in Sunday services the value of honesty and the next day, he sees his father returning the overage in change a store clerk unknowingly gave. And just imagine a child returning home after a Sunday School lesson on the 10 Commandments with the importance of Sabbath day observance, and his parents actually spend time with the family that evening studying the word of God.

In reviewing these scenarios, I realized yet again just how important a statement the title was: "Home - The Central Place for Learning and Teaching the Gospel." In fact, here is a quote from that very section:

The family is ordained of God. It is central to His plan. He has established families to bring happiness to His children, to help them learn the gospel in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare them for eternal life. The home is the most important place to teach, learn, and apply gospel principles (see Mosiah 4:14-15; D&C 68:25-28).

Parents should thoughtfully plan and hold family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and other family activities. They should do all they can to make good use of these teaching opportunities ("Gospel Teaching in the Church," Improving Gospel Teaching, p 1).

While reading this quote, I of course had to face my own parenting skills, approaches, and moments. It is imperative that I make sure I provide the proper atmosphere and environment for my children in their gospel understanding and growth.

As President Spencer W. Kimball said, "Home is where we become experts and scholars in gospel righteousness" (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 129). May we seek these kinds of things for our own families!

For more information on building the family and finding joy therein, feel free to visit the Church's Provident Living website where you will find help to strengthen your marriage, to strengthen your family, and even information of support groups for those seeking to overcome addictions.

I love the scriptures. Some days they are the only things that brings me peace. I particularly enjoy the Old Testament, as odd as that sounds. Even though it is a loooong book of scripture, the stories within it are rich and instructive.

Generally speaking, the first five books of the Old Testament are sometimes known as "the law" or the books of Moses. These books are Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. They address the Creation of the world all the way through Moses' instruction to the Israelites after they fled Pharaoh in Egypt.

The next section of the Old Testament is often known as "the history" portion of the Old Testament. These books are Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel, 1 & 2 Kings, 1 & 2 Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther. In fact, if you want to read the Old Testament quickly, simply read 1 & 2 Chronicles. This is a concise summary of the history of the ancient Israelites boiled down into two summary books called 1 and 2 Chronicles.

The next section has been sometimes called "the wisdom literature" of the Old Testament. These are the books of Job, Psalms, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. The rest of the Old Testament (other than Song of Solomon) are records of specific prophets that are not in any chronological order, but are from different historical parts of ancient Israelites' experiences: Isaiah, Jeremiah (and his book of Lamentations), Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, and Malachi.

All of this creates a pathway or a map for us to follow. And it is an important map for our children to be familiar with, for what befell the Israelites befalls all people who forget their God and leave His protecting care and insist on living dangerous lifestyles (did you know that the ancient Israelites turned to killing their infants during pagan ceremonies? No wonder the Lord decreed certain consequences for their behavior!).

Today I was reading in Obadiah. The Lord gave him a vision and a direct message for the ancient Israelites who insisted on going after false gods and false practices. Here are the Lord's words given through His prophet Obadiah to the Israelites:

"The pride of thine heart hath deceived thee, thou...whose habitation is high; that saith in his heart, Who shall bring me down to the ground? (Obadiah 1:3)." The Lord soon enough did bring them down to the ground, for their sakes, to attempt to keep them from self-destructing.

So often as I see other peoples' choices in today's world, rather than judge them, I sorrow and I wonder about myself. Are there any dangerous pieces of pride within me leading me on, as Obadiah mentions? For truly we learn from his clear "map" that pride leads us into paths where we can be deceived and wherein we deceive ourselves.

Obadiah also mentions many other mistakes on the part of these ancient Israelites; for example, they cold-heartedly looked on--without helping other Israelites--during the demise of those in Jerusalem. The Lord noted their many grievous choices and simply said, "...As thou hast done, it shall be done unto thee" (Obadiah 1:15).

Indeed, there are many rich stories amongst the Old Testament that create a sure and steady map or pathway for me to help teach my own children the way to peace and the way to God Himself. If you would like to explore the Old Testament yourself, feel free to explore these free online scriptures!

In this world that is drenched with sexual images and commodities, what is a parent to do to strengthen their child (and even themselves) against this onslaught? It is a rampant problem, one that appears to be worsening.

My husband a few years back attended a conference for mental health counselors and psychologists. The focus of the conference was helping clients overcome pornography addiction. During the lectures and workshops of the conference, my husband learned many important things to help those he counsels with sexual addiction issues. But one of the most startling facts shared at the conference was the new target market for porn companies are the 7- to 12- year-olds! Nothing beautiful, "artistic," nor entertaining about that!

This fact was shocking to me. It is more than appalling. I don't know how those who work for that industry face themselves in the mirror each morning. Most historians will tell you that a country that immerses itself in sexual promiscuity eventually self-destructs, whether internally or through external stronger forces.

My husband also shared with me that an additional report stated that the original funding for picture-capable cell phones came from pornography companies. And it makes sense (at least to them); pornography can be so addicting that if you bring porn to the young, they become the porn companies' customers for a lifetime.

So in the midst of all of this, what is a parent to do? Here are three suggestions:

1. Understand What Pornography Is.

Here is a simple definition of "pornography":

"Pornography is any material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings."

Regardless if some people call it art or entertainment, this definition of pornography could not be clearer!

2. Understand the Lord's Perspective On Pornography.

The Lord speaks to us through his servants and prophets (see Amos 3:7). Elder Richard G. Scott clearly states:

"Whether it be through the printed page, movies, television, obscene lyrics, the telephone, or on a flickering personal computer screen, pornography is overpoweringly addictive and severely damaging" ("The Sanctity of Womanhood," Ensign, May 2000, 36-38).

Our most recent prophet President Gordon B. Hinckley, prior to his death, said:

"Stay away from pornography as you would a serious disease. It is as destructive" ("Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry," Ensign, May 1998, 49-51).

Links are also listed below for these two powerful discourses from God's servants. They provide a start to help understand the Lord's perspective and rationale on the dangers of pornography.

3. Make Use of Fasting, Scriptures Study, Prayer and Service.

As we work with our children, it is essential we arm them with the very real and effective tools of Fasting, Scripture Study, Prayer, and Service. We can help them find their power to overcome anything when they (and we) make use of these aids given us from God.

4. Get Help When Stuck.

A friend once told me that only the strong seek help. His comment stuck in my mind and has continued to register through the years. Truly, those who care will seek aid when they are struggling with anything, for they recognize the possibility of a brighter day. Church leaders are there to help anyone who struggles. The church has set up its own gentle 12-step program to help those who find themselves in the clutches of sexual addictions. The world is so much brighter when we are free of the chains Satan would bind us with.

It is urgent, given the conditions in the world today, to help our children understand the importance of getting help with struggling with anything, even (and especially) pornography. Because at times, experiences will broadside us when we least expect it. My husband, through counseling many clients, now has the perspective that most people on this earth will at some time or another be faced with a pornographic image. That's when we immediately turn off the computer, walk away, and immerse ourselves in the things of the Spirit to renew our souls.

We can help our children find joy in this world as we follow the Lord's plan and keep ourselves free from the entanglements that some would like to ensnare us with!

Additional Resources:

"You Can't Pet a Rattlesnake," David E. Sorenson, Ensign, May 2001, 41.

"Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry," Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, May 1998, 49.

"Breaking the Chains of Pornography," Ensign, Feb 2001, 55.

"Strengthening Marriage: A Resource Guide for Couples," www.providentliving.org.

Addiction Recovery Support Groups, www.providentliving.org

I am not the best mother. I admit. How I'd like it to be different, but try as I might, I still make mistakes. Oh, they're not huge mistakes, but they are mistakes all the same. Like wishing I'd spent more time riding the bike with my son ... every day, rather than just sometimes. Like reading stories longer each day with my little ones while small instead of just a few minutes each time. The list could go on and on.

Perhaps this is why I feel the need recently to focus on my children more. I am a stay-at-home mom, so they already do get a lot of "face time" with me. But I sometimes wonder how effective some of it really is. You know the kinds of moments perhaps. Like washing the dishes as the kids come in to talk at the end of the day. My thoughts can be full of other preoccupations and so the kids might simply get an absent-minded "uh, huh" as they talk. My eyes are elsewhere as I stew on how to solve whatever problem faces me at the moment.

In fact, I wonder how often adults as a general rule really listen to kids. How often do we actually look them in the eye when they speak to us? I've seen it in the movies or in commercials, with the little kid coming to the table and the dad is sitting there, face in the newspaper, just muttering hmmphs as responses to the young one.

I don't want to be like this. Families can be together forever! And so I stop and ponder, more so even recently, what kind of "forever" am I creating today!

Children who have happy times with their families are less peer prone, less likely to cave to peer pressure. There are so many ways to increase that happy time. But most of it involves relinquishing the heavy burdens we carry as adults and being willing to embrace our kids with full-hearted hugs and to look them square in the face and say, "I love you."

Life is too short to be caught up in problems. True, they need to be solved. If ignored, problems turn into emergencies. But the older I get, the more I realize that my kids deserve their mom's undivided attention more times than not.

Experts suggest turning off the TV, the radio, or even (gasp) the computer. Unplug the phone and pull out an old-fashioned card game. Make a difference by focusing on the heart, soul, and laughter of your children. I know that it's something I'm seeking more to do.

Latter-day prophets have taught us families can be together forever and that they are central to God's plan for our happiness. I sure want that forever to be a happy one, full of laughs and happy memories. Best get started today!

Sometimes as parents we struggle with certain of our children more than the others. I'll never forget a professor I had once semester. He was the coolest guy, someone I really looked up to. So I was shocked one Monday when he came rushing in, out of breath, declaring he'd had a life changing experience over the weekend.

He'd discovered a book that helped him to see one of his children in a new light. He confessed to us that out of his six children, he'd loved five ... until that past weekend. Now he loved all six.

I stared at this man, surprised that 1) he could be so honest, and 2) that he hadn't loved all his children the same. That was a shocking thought to me. But then this man went on to explain what had happened.

He'd discovered that the reason five of his children had been so easy to love is that they had very similar personality styles to his; the sixth child, though, was a "yellow"-styled individual, full of carefree joy and self-expression, someone who felt life was meant to be enjoyed through fun rather than work.

The best part of the book, my professor explained, was that he saw his "yellow" child through new eyes - for the first time, he saw the beauty of this child.

The purpose of this blog is not to talk necessarily about that book, but about an important concept: our Heavenly Father does not need a book to love us all. He, in fact, loves each of us so much that He inviteth all to come unto him.

An early American prophet taught this truth about the Lord:

"Behold, the Lord esteemeth all flesh in one...." (1 Nephi 17:35).

Is this not beautiful? As mortals we may struggle with esteeming "all flesh in one." We still have too many differences and imperfections to be exactly like God in this way (although as we progress in Christ's ways and the gospel, we become more and more like Him [see Matthew 5:48]).

Here is another scripture verse that seconds the witness of the Lord's invitation to and for all to come to Him:

"...he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile" (2 Nephi 26:33).

Again, our Heavenly Father does not need a book to love us all. He, in fact, loves each of us so much that He inviteth all to come unto him through His Son, Jesus Christ. May we as parents do the same.

I love being a mommy. It is one of the biggest blessings in my life. But it is also one of the biggest responsibilities I have. How I raise my children will influence them throughout the majority of their lives, if not for the entirety of their lives. No pressure!

One of the constant refrains in my head is their spiritual welfare. To paraphrase a Book of Mormon prophet, I ponder if my children will "perish in the flesh because of unbelief" (2 Nephi 10:2). But not if I can do anything about it!

The ancient prophet who spoke those words was named Jacob. He prophesied that certain of God's ancient children would perish because of their unbelief in God and that the Jews in Jerusalem would crucify the Savior. How this must have pained the prophet to have foreseen!

But in his same words, he gives the "out" to the situation. He teaches of the very answer to the problem - Jesus Christ.

"But behold, thus saith the Lord God: When the day cometh that they shall believe in me, that I am Christ, then have I covenanted with their fathers that they shall be restored in the flesh, upon the earth, unto the lands of their inheritance.

"And it shall come to pass that they shall be gathered in from their long dispersion, from the isles of the sea, and from the four parts of the earth; and the nations of the Gentiles shall be great in the eyes of me, saith God, in carrying them forth to the lands of their inheritance" (2 Nephi 10:7-8).

This is my belief: as long as I am teaching Jesus Christ's ways to my children, as long as I personally seek to follow Him in all I do and say, and as long as I'm gentle with my children as they grow - then they will choose the Savior also as their Redeemer.

And if they fall away? The answer still remains in Jesus Christ. As they choose to return to Him, He will be waiting for them to gather them and to bless them in all He has for them.

This comforts me as a parent. I do love being a mommy. It is one of the biggest blessings in my life. But it is also one of the biggest responsibilities I have. I am well aware that how I raise my children will influence them throughout the majority of their lives, if not for the entirety of their lives. But I do not have to do this along. As I raise them up to Christ, He will be there to help them avoid perishing. But even if they falter, He will aid them in their return!

To read more about these promises, read at this Book of Mormon link.

Most everyone has seen an angry two year old. Whether in a store or at home, these little guys can put on quite the show when they are mad. They scrunch their eyes, they toss their head back, and pounding on the floor (or any neighboring surface) they scream and scream and scream.

I feel bad for mothers in the stores during these times. I want to run up to them and help in any way possible. It's hard being a patient parent when this is the tenth tantrum of the day and you now feel like throwing one yourself!

It takes some time to teach children truths, such as: "Don't touch the stove, it will burn you." "Don't run in front of that car, it will hurt you." etc.

As our children get older, the troubles or dangers they face deepen in seriousness. For example you might say, "Don't drink alcohol, it will destroy 10,000 brain cells for every ounce you drink."

The child looks at you with that, "Yeah, right, Mom."

Yet you've read the studies. You know the dangers. And how much you desire that your children will listen to you. You've lived a few decades and know of what you speak. So how do we help our children listen ... because if they listen, they just might avoid more heartache than we did!

It starts by reading the scriptures with them every night (or every morning, depending on your child's schedule). Some might think that toddlers are too little. This is a mistake. I waited too long for my second child before I began reading scriptures to her. When she was old enough (I thought) and I then tried, she found it boring.

Contrast that with my firstborn, who I read 30 minutes of scriptures to in the morning AND in the evening again - starting when he was 18 months old! To this day he loves his scriptures!

Children are far more capable than we might guess. I rue the day I decided to "go easy" on my daughter. She had focusing issues as a toddler and I just didn't give her credit that she was listening when I did try to read scripture verses to her. Again, I really regret I gave up till later. I can see a difference in the interest level and am now trying to make up for my lack early on.

The ancient American prophet Nephi taught along similar lines, when he was speaking to his brothers that seemed not to care for the things of Christ:

"And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth and say: Thou speakest hard things against us" (1 Nephi 16:3).

Nephi gives some important truths in this small paragraph: being willing to hearken to truth straightens the paths we walk - in essence, we walk more uprightly before God. This then makes a person less likely to murmur because of truth.

I must say, my daughter has a heart the size of Texas. She is a delight in my life. She loves the things of goodness. But what I am also saying is because she did not, from her earliest years, sit listening to scripture, it is more difficult for her to understand them now.

If we want to help our children hearken to the truth, we need to start young. We need to start when they're first learning to speak. In fact, before that would be even better. Why not start reading the scriptures out loud while the child is still in the womb?

Again, if a child is taught early on in their youth, chances are they will not depart from the truth later on in life nor murmur because of it. I can think of no better way to share that truth than to sit together and read scripture together - even for the youngest. Make it a snuggly time together, rocking and reading. Or while you read, having the younger kids coloring pictures about what they're hearing.

What this does is acclimate children to the truth - the truth of God. Thus, later in their teens when they might be prone to throw something similar to a 2 year old's kind of tantrum, you can gently remind them of the scriptural truths they grew up hearing.

However you approach it, here is a link to the online scriptures for free!

Successful families use The Book of Mormon to strengthen their home life. The Book of Mormon contains the priceless gospel of Jesus Christ and acts as a companion witness to the Bible as to the divinity of the Savior.

Perhaps if the entire world believed Christ's witness that He indeed was the Son of God, come to save God's children, perhaps the Book of Mormon would not be needed. But so many people in the world discount the testimony of the Bible, that having another witness is urgent to help broadcast the news that Jesus is indeed the Christ.

In fact, we can read in the Bible itself,

"In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established" (2 Cor 13:1).

Well, the Book of Mormon acts as a second witness to what the Bible demonstrates - that God sent His Son to die on the cross and to redeem us from our sins.

So how does having the Book of Mormon help families become more successful? It does so by validating the original witness of the Bible itself. That is why the cover on The Book of Mormon contains the sub-title: "Another Testament of Jesus Christ."

Although this might be a new concept, this illustration can help. If there were a car wreck on the street corner near your house and two people each claimed the other caused it, it would be difficult to sort out the truth without additional witnesses. But if there is more than one witness to substantiate the truth of the matter, the situation and truth is aided by that second witness.

If we want to raise our children following Christ in this world, a second witness of Him helps parents tremendously - especially since more and more people in the world clamor that God does not exist!

The Book of Mormon was written by ancient prophets who lived in the Americas. God communicated with them just like He communicated with the Biblical prophets in the old world. I find it quite strengthening to be able to use both of these volumes of scripture while leading and teaching my children in Christ.

A family that consistently reads from the scriptures will be blessed by the Lord. And those same oft-read scripture verses will illuminate children's lives while at school, at play, and even at work when older.

Ideally, it is helpful to have both daily family scripture study and individual scripture study. Personally, I try to make sure I've studied my scriptures on my own at least sometime during the day. If not, I grab them before going to sleep to at least read for a few minutes. But above and beyond this, my husband and I try to read verses each night with our children before retiring to bed.

Slow and steady, we hope to raise our children up in the Lord. And as we use the scriptures from both the Bible and the Book of Mormon, I know the Lord will aid us in creating a successful family.

Here is a helpful link to the Book of Mormon online.

I had heard years ago of a study that showed the following facts. I found them quite interesting.

• Children whose fathers read for enjoyment are 3 times more likely to read for enjoyment than other kids.
  
• Children whose mothers read for enjoyment are 2 times more likely to read for enjoyment than other kids.
• Children whose parents both read are 6 times more likely to read.

The same stats applied for exercise. Children whose fathers exercised were 3 times more likely to exercise, and so on.

An alarming set of new studies has surfaced containing urgent news. I will share those in just a moment. But first, I remember thinking years ago about the reading and exercise study how eternally significant both parents are in the life of a child. I was particularly struck by how potent the father's influence was, statistically speaking. And we learn even more through "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" of the two important general roles of parents: the father is to provide, the mother is to nurture.

Society would like people to think that traditional families are not important. But it is a false statement. And in news as of February 27, 2008, the results of 24 scholarly studies are in and reported by the Family Leader Network and Townhall.com: Fathers are essential to the wellbeing of children.

How long will it take for society to recognize this? With so many children being raised "out of wedlock" and the father absent, these cumulative studies could be rather depressing ... or at the very least, alarming and full of alert for social and governmental policies currently being formed. We must clearly speak up!

For the studies have succinctly shown, all 24 of them (covering more than 20 years of data with 22,300 different data sets), that fathers' absences in children's lives bring about behavioral and psychological problems.

Society is all for reducing crime. Citizens clamor for policies to reduce antisocial behavior. Yet at the same time, many of our cities', states', and national influencers appear reluctant to address the underlying causes of crime and those same antisocial behaviors.

When studies show these kinds of results, such as "regular positive contact" with the father "reduces criminal behavior among children in low income families and enhances cognitive skills like intelligence, reasoning and language development," policy makers at all levels of government must take note - or suffer the consequences of an increasingly violent society.

What are the results of fathers actively involved in their childrens' lives? Take a look at what these myriads of studies showed when fathers were involved parenting their children. The children were (or had):

•less likely to smoke
•less likely to be in trouble with police
•better academic skills
•better able to form friendships with peers
•better mental well-being
•better physical health
•better relationships as an adult and with a future partner

According to the Townhall.com report, the US leads the world in mother-only families (impacting more than 1 out of 4 kids). And shockingly, now nearly 1 out of 2 kids are being raised by a mother who never married.

As society continues its political experiment with embracing all forms and all kinds of relationships, society will continue to reap the fruits of bitterness ... until enough people are willing to stand up boldly and proclaim that fathers are essential in the lives of kids.

I'm grateful for the Lord who calls prophets to lead and guide us in positions of truth, although those positions seem to become less popular. History has already given us the end of the story, though. When the traditional family is broken up, eventually the society or culture breaks up.

We can do something about all this. We can read the Lord's perspective on the family, click on The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Then we can get busy calling our legislators.

There is so much to do and learn in this big wide crazy, yet terrific world we live in. Amidst all those choices are some pretty scary ones.

I remember as a young mother, I used to watch my toddler play at the park. Oh, I was so careful to run to his side if he scraped his knee or bonked his head. He needed me and I needed to model how to take care of bleeding injuries and how to handle emotional upsets.

But what about now that he is a teenager? Now he is not always at my side. My son not only is busy with school activities, church responsibilities, and friends, but he is also preparing in many ways to "leave the nest." In a few short years he will be old enough to serve a mission and to teach other people about Jesus Christ. Will he be ready?

I have found one of the best ways to prepare my children, not just my oldest, is through weekly Family Home Evenings. There are some other excellent posts here at LDSBlogs.com on how to approach Family Home Evening. I'll refer you to them starting with this Family Home Evening article and this article on strengthening your family through the gospel.

But here are a few additional things to think about that you might want to factor into your FHEs.

1. Spiritual Preparedness.
It would be important to share the love of Jesus Christ in each FHE. You can do this through studying the scriptures in many different ways. You can also testify of Him or share of personal witnesses you have had. All of this builds a solid foundation for your children, so they know who to turn to when they're on their own and have "fallen" and "scraped" their emotional or spiritual selves.

2. Emotional Preparedness.
Remember that children learn to treat others how parents treat them. Are our children emotionally resilient? They will be resilient as they grow in love, support, and respect. Thus, I've noticed our family's most successful FHEs have been those where the family has laughed and enjoyed one another, NOT where any have been picked on, chastened, corrected or yelled at.

3. Emergency Preparedness.
Why not throw in an emergency preparedness moment in each FHE? My family has purchased an inexpensive CPR doll so that we can practice at least monthly this important life-saving skill. Why not divide the year into 12 different emergency focuses (i.e. bandaging, CPR, water purifying, ham radio skills) so that if your children were separated from you during an emergency, they could deal with it calmly!

Family Home Evening really can be fun if we remember that those we associate with have the potential to become our best friends. As we love, encourage, inspire, and teach our children, once they leave our presence - and if they fall and "scrape" themselves emotionally, spiritually, or in any other way - they will be strong and capable.

We might not always be able to give hugs to our children physically, but we can do so now for them in so many ways - and Family Home Evening is one of the best that I know of!

To learn more about FHE, click on this Family Home Evening link.

Agency is the ability and privilege God gives us to choose and to act for ourselves. Agency is essential in the plan of salvation. Without it, we would not be able to learn or progress or follow the Savior. With it, we are 'free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil" (2 Nephi 2:27). (Quote from "Agency," LDS.org.)

It is important as parents to understand the gift of agency that the Lord gives us. Not only does the Lord gives us this gift for ourselves, but it is intended to be extended to our children.

How to do this though can be tricky. Obviously if a child is running into the street, we don't allow them to continue simply because they are "free to choose." No, instead, we pull them back out of safety. This is appropriate and right, because to do anything else would displease the Lord (and even social service agencies in the community). Our job, after all, is to keep our children safe, amongst other things.

So where does "agency" factor in? The Lord does have an opinion about the job of parents - starting first and foremost with spiritual matters. We read in the Doctrine & Covenants:

"And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents" (D&C 68:25).

I remember agency as a topic of discussion that came up while teaching a missionary discussion in Brazil. My missionary companion and I were teaching a wonderful family; the parents planned on getting baptized. But they were going to wait to have their kids baptized when they were adults ... so that they could choose for themselves.

I wanted to ask, "Wait. If baptism is good enough for you, then why not for your children? If it is wrong for them, then why would it be right for you now?" But the scenario demanded a more accurate approach to their question - the situation demanded that - instead of sharing my personal opinion - I needed to simply share the perspective of the Lord, as found in the above scripture verse.

Yes, children and parents do have agency given to make choices. But when it comes to spiritual matters, the Lord has spoken. As stated in scriptures, parents are to teach children the doctrines of repentance, faith in Christ, and baptism when eight years of age - all so that the children may receive the most priceless gift of all, the gift of the Holy Ghost. Then the children will be able to wield the gift of agency with clarity and purpose - because then the Lord will be able to talk to them individually through the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.

[To learn more about Agency, click on agency and follow the links to additional information.]

I watched my little six-year-old play with his new garden two days ago. He'd taken great care to fill the pot with soil. After that, he placed a few rocks to rest a toy house on. Next, he created a little turquoise walkway of colorful mini-stones leading up to a tiny house.

He was constructing a miniature terrarium of a sorts. Since we homeschool, I'm always on the lookout to teach science, etc., in ways that his six-year-old mind will comprehend and even enjoy. Thus, when I'd found the creative little kit to build a miniature garden, I snagged it. It was the perfect opportunity to help him understand plant cycles, etc.

But as I watched him constructing his new creation, I marveled at the joy he felt for his work. Later, after he snugged seeds down inside the soil, and watered it just so, he sat back on his haunches. He quietly looked at it for (I kid you not) nearly a half-hour.

He wasn't aware that I was watching him, but watch I did. He would stroke the soil. He'd pat certain portions into better places than the first. He'd place a miniature-toy frog in front of the house to guard his creation. In fact, at one point he came rushing in, blazing past me into the bedroom. Soon enough, he returned racing to his post outside.

Kneeling down, he tenderly put a little Lego man inside the house. Then he returned to kneel in front of the entire little experiment and continued to speak to all of it.

I thought how much this is like our Father which is in Heaven. He created our little spot of soil (although much bigger than my son's terrarium, I grant you that). He carefully snugged in rocks and boulders, oceans and lakes, all for the benefit of His greatest of creations - us!

And He assigns His Son to stand by, nurturing us, patting "soil" into better locations, all the while tending to our needs. At times we might murmur at His adjustments to our lives, whether physical (i.e. Hurricane Katrina) or whether spiritual (i.e. the loss of my other little son to SIDS).

But through it all, He is the Master at work. And He never leaves our side through it all. And just like when my little son's seeds begin sprouting, just like when our spiritual growth "seeds" begin sprouting, I'm sure the Lord's joy is equally as great, if not greater.

How comforting it is to me to know that we are created and made by One who gives His All, His Son, to the whole process, just like my little son did this week to his own endeavors.

I remember being a new member of the Mormon church (officially called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). My family had belonged to another denomination, but then after meeting with the Mormon missionaries we desired to be baptized.

There was much that was new; there was much that was wonderful. I know that perhaps to someone on the "outside" looking in, these kinds of statements might seem perplexing. I don't know. All I do know is the joy that I feel being a Mormon and learning deeply about the Lord Jesus Christ.

It's not that I haven't studied other faiths. I have. But the more one studies the scriptures and ponders on them, the more the truths of the gospel resound in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ found in the Mormon church.

[If you would like to meet with the missionaries simply to discuss the Mormon faith, feel free to click on Mormon.org and follow the links there to set up an informal meeting.]

In retrospect, one of the biggest blessings I've experienced being a Mormon is to know about temples and how they strengthen families.

Temples existed in ancient times. Oftentimes they were called tabernacles back then. But their purpose was, and is, to provide a holy place of worship - removed from the filth of the world.

Isaiah 2:1-3 speaks of a temple and its purpose. Doctrine and Covenants 109 contains a dedicatory prayer for a temple built in Kirtland, Ohio.

As a person prepares to enter the temple, great blessings come to them. Temple worship becomes the center of strength for a person who seeks God in all things. And a family centered on the temple and its rich blessings becomes a family that is strong and deeply bonded in the Lord.

The reason I know is because I have experienced all these things. The sweet spirit of peace that comes, even just talking about these things, testifies that temples are places of God. They bring happiness, peace and eternal joy.

President James E. Faust stated just four months before he passed away - about a modern-day temple that had just been renovated:

"I am grateful this magnificent building has been strengthened and renewed so it can continue to be used to instruct and edify the children of God" (President James E. Faust, "Salt Lake Tabernacle Rededication," Ensign, May 2007).

President Faust knew, as do so many who love the temple, temples strengthen and edify the children of God. And a family that bases their lives upon God's works and temple worship is tremendously strengthened and benefitted thereby.

To learn more about temples, feel free to visit this temple link.

As Mormons, we believe in the God-given unit of families. The Lord intends for children to be raised in stable homes, by a father and mother who love them and who lead them back to God Himself.

Here is the Church's statement on the principle of adoption. It is an inspired one.

"Children are entitled to be raised by parents who honor marital vows and who can provide love and support. Adoption can be a great blessing for many children who are born without this opportunity. Adoption can also be a great blessing to couples who are unable to conceive their own children....

"Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses the birth parents, the child, and the adoptive family" ("Adoption," LDS.org)

My husband and I had the beautiful opportunity to adopt a child. Our little son came through an inspired birth mother who recognized the need for her baby to be raised in a stable family life. Her gift was tremendous and I do not think greater maternal love can exist than in an experience like this.

She was sixteen, and yet manifested a wisdom far beyond others much older. We were greatly blessed by her profound choice.

Studies support the Church's statement. For example, research shows the influence of a stable father is an extensive and long-term benefit in the life of a child (for example, if a father exercises his children are three times more likely to exercise than their peers). Studies have shown that a mother's influence is extensive and long-term (i.e. if a mother reads as a hobby her children are two times more likely to read as a hobby than their peers). Now pair those two influences into one stable marriage and you have a powerful agent for good in the life of a child. Our dear birth mother showed such love for her child when she recognized this potency.

Adoption is not easy. It is heart-wrenching for a young girl to give of herself in this matter. Having been the recipient of such a profound gift, though, I cannot speak enough of the import of such decisions. Thus, I'm grateful to be a member of the Mormon church, or otherwise called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Church offers its services to young women who find themselves in difficult situations such as in an unwed pregnancy.

If you know of any who find themselves in this situation, perhaps you could direct them to these articles for their consideration:

"Adoption and the Unwed Mother"

"But What Was Best for the Baby?"

"Guidance for Unwed Parents"

And here is the ItsAboutLove.org website with more information on the priceless gift of love called Adoption. You can order the free "Where There's Help, There's Hope" video.

Truly, "adoption is an unselfish loving decision that blesses the birth parents, the child, and the adoptive family" ("Adoption", LDS.org).

As Mormons, we are known for many things. One of those things is generally the strength of our family life. It is true - most Mormons love their families. And one of the ways we try to show this love is by living what is called the "Word of Wisdom."

What is the Word of Wisdom? Here is the church's definition (the church is officially known as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints):

"The Word of Wisdom is a law of health revealed by the Lord for the physical and spiritual benefit of His children. On February 27, 1833, as recorded in section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants, the revealed which foods are good for us to eat and which substances are not good for the human body. He also promised health, protection, knowledge, and wisdom to those who obey the Word of Wisdom." ("Word of Wisdom," LDS.org)

Here is the actual verbiage of Doctrine and Covenants 89, wherein the Lord revealed this inspired counsel through the prophet Joseph Smith. In it we learn about the harm caused by alcoholic drinks, tobacco, and tea and coffee (known as "hot drinks" during that time).

But the broader application of the Word of Wisdom is to teach mankind to use wisdom in what they take into their bodies. For example, eating dirt is not mentioned in this prophetic counsel, yet it's fairly obvious that this would not be wise. The point is, throughout D&C 89 the Lord is teaching a broad pattern of wisdom - do not take things into your body which are harmful (and some examples were given) and do take things into your body which are healing and helpful.

What is so fascinating to me is that during the early 1800s when this prophetic counsel was given, scientists did not have the knowledge nor the discoveries that modern-day scientists have uncovered. Now studies have shown that one ounce of alcohol destroys 10,000 brain cells. Wow. Joseph Smith did not know this back in 1833, but the Lord sure did. And He advised Joseph Smith in this revelation against the drinking of alcohol.

Conspiring men's thoughts weren't publicly known back then, but during the 20th century, certain corporations were exposed as to knowing their products were harmful and addictive - yet until exposed, they denied these facts. Joseph Smith did not personally have this knowledge back then, but the Lord did. And He told Joseph Smith of it (see D&C 89:4).

D&C 89, or otherwise known as the "Word of Wisdom", is well worth reviewing. Modern-day studies have demonstrated that Mormons living the Word of Wisdom have far healthier lives than otherwise. It is one more reason why Mormon families tend to function better. If you have your health, you are able to have and do so many other things!

Why not print out and apply the teachings in D&C 89? Your family will be greatly benefitted and strengthened too!

What do we do when our children do not want to work around the home? Is this a problem or is it not? And what is the Lord's perspective?

As Mormons, we believe families can be together forever. This is a great thing. That is why everything we do as parents is done (or at least, should be) with balance and the Lord's perspective in mind. We are to teach our children "...by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, ... " (D&C 121:41-43).

We love our children. That is usually a given. That is why we want the best for them possible. Sometimes as parents we bend over backwards, wanting them to be happy. In some instances, though, this gentle yielding to their whimsical desires can backfire. This is when trouble sets in, tensions can begin to mount, and if we're not careful, regrettable words are spoken.

For instance, let's think on after-school hours. Most everyone is tired. The kids are tired from their long day at school (and believe me, the work thrown at kids by their teachers seems immense these days, let alone the peer pressure to fold immorally). And Mom and Dad are tired from their own pressures.

Everyone arrives home, a bit beat. And what do they face? Sometimes, no matter how careful a family is, the house can look like it has thrown up. "This is not good," we think to ourselves. And so we set into the kids. "Pick up your shoes! Put away your backpack! What were you thinking, leaving your cereal bowl out like this?!?!"

And before we know it, we've lost sight of the beauty of our children because we've become so intensely focused on the disarray of the house. Yet, a clean house invites the Spirit of God. So what is to be done?

First, I'd love to hear what you've done that is successful in your own home. For truly, there are homes that stay fairly clean and inviting, yet there also abides a loving and patient climate within that home. What is it that you've done to help your children work hard and relatively well, yet you've done it in gentle loving ways?

For truly, along with teaching our children to pray, live the Gospel, and rely upon the Lord, we also are to teach them to work. One of the Lord's representatives, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, stated that we are to teach "children to work, ... teach them that honest labor develops dignity and self-respect. Help them to find pleasure in work and to feel the satisfaction that comes from a job well done" (Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Spiritually Strong Homes and Families," Ensign, May 1993, 68 - to read more of Elder Worthlin's excellent talk, click here).

If children are yelled at during chores, how can respect - or a sense of satisfaction from doing a job well - or pleasure come?

On the other hand, I know there are adults who have grasped well the gentle grace of refining their children (and themselves). So I ask again, what have you done to teach your children pleasure and satisfaction in honest labor and work - whether at home or elsewhere? Feel free to comment and share your thoughts. We are all eager to hear them.

When was the last time you had an actual sit-down dinner with your whole clan? With dishes full at the table and people seated all around, facing each other?

If you're like me, this was not something that was too common. I have children with varying ages and as such, our lives had become quite hectic. Additionally, my husband has pursued an additional degree full-time in the evenings while still working full-time during the day. Oh, and did I mention he also held three different internships to boot?

Therefore, I've in the past excused a bit what had happened to our dinner hour. "Of course we're no longer having 'official' dinner time," I'd tell myself. "After all, look at our schedules!" And thus, we slipped farther and farther away from face-time during dinner time.

That, or we'd be eating on TV trays because of some project the kids had been working on, or me, that was spread out over the table. Pretty soon we found ourselves in practically what felt like "stranger land."

It was about this time that I began noticing statistics and studies which showed that teens who ate dinner at least once a week with their families were far less likely to fall prey to peer pressure to smoke or participate in drugs.

Suddenly my interest perked up with this 'concept' of dinner-time as a family. It's almost embarrassing, really. So sad that dinner time as a family could feel like such a novel prospect. Really, could dinner time together around the dinner table influence children that much? That's when I started realizing all the benefits of such a thing. And then I remembered something I'd read years ago in a sales manual - any time you eat with a client, their heart becomes more bonded to you and therefore they are more likely to respond positively to your sales pitch.

Hmmmm, I mused. Bonding ... dinner time ... this was starting to make a lot of sense. When we eat together, it is disarming. Even for kids who think they no longer need their parents, simply by eating with their parents kids will feel deeper ties.

Of course, the following goes without saying - dinner time together needs to be one of uplift and support. Just as the kids cannot imagine the difficulty of our days, it is probably unlikely we can imagine what they face today in the world. Schools are no longer what they used to be, when the largest infractions was that of running in the hall or chewing gum!

Thus, let's start this week by supporting our kids with mealtimes that demonstrate our love and support for them. And if we aren't able to arrange schedules and make this a daily event, at least once a week let's have some family face-time at dinner time!

It has been a tragedy to watch the suffering of the California people. I've written about it under the Preparedness blog here at LDSBlogs.com. But there is one additional portion that must be said.

Facing a fire or any large catastrophe as an adult is one thing. But facing it as a child is another. Here are a few tips to help the youngest amongst us when things get difficult.

1. Think as a Child.

First of all, imagine a daily routine for a small child. They must hop in the car any time you request it - whether to go get groceries, to go visit a friend, or to go to church. It does not matter whether they were previously involved in an engaging activity or not - they must pick up and leave whenever you tell them to.

This form of complicity is a usual affair for a child. It might be frustrating for them, but because it is a normal occurrence, it is not psychologically distressing . . . because the adult in their life is calm.

But now think as a child during an emergency: if Mom or Dad is "freaking out," the situation takes on a very ominous feeling. Thus, if you ever find yourself in an emergency event, think as a child. Know that the more calm you can make yourself (even if you're shaking inside,) the more you will help that child to comply with your requests. He or she needs to know that Mom or Dad are in control - just as when you are going to the grocery store. This will help ease the psychological trauma caused by a tragic event.

2. Be Prepared.

It is one thing to be completely caught off guard and have to flee with the clothes on your back and kids in your arms. But if you are prepared with evacuation supplies ready and waiting, the experience will be softened for everyone.

Make sure you have prepared 72-hour kits with not just essentials (i.e. food, bandages, medicines), but with whittling-away-the-hours activities. Not only will it keep your children busy, but it will help alleviate some of the stress in your life. You won't be having to entertain them while (at the same time) feeling stretched to emotional thinness yourself. A couple of card games or crayons/coloring books, etc., won't take much space, but they sure could help soften the anxious hours after an evacuation and help your children acclimate a little easier to a new and difficult situation. Yes, let's help our children by being prepared.

3. Remember God.

Our Heavenly Father is actually much more merciful than most give Him credit. The fact that California is facing the largest evacuation in U.S. history with only a handful of actual deaths is a miracle in my mind. Houses may have been lost, but I wonder if this holiday season will feel fuller of a rare appreciation for the gift of life. So many have been spared from these vicious fires!

Therefore, share your knowledge of God with your children during difficult times. Make sure you always have a copy of the scriptures or a hymnbook in your car, purse, 72-hour kits, etc. Nothing can bring peace like reading from the word of God or praying. Make sure your children have ample access to both by your loving and heartfelt example. Let our children be strengthened by remembering God.

Summary.

Children's deeper needs can be overlooked during tragedies. Therefore, it is imperative that we care for children during difficult times by 1) thinking from their perspective, 2) being prepared, and 3) remembering God. There are many things our children deserve; during a tragedy they especially merit these three forms of supports.

How much do you look into your children's eyes? No, not just glance their way, but actually look deeply into your son's or daughter's eyes while talking to them?

It seems an odd question, perhaps, but start looking around. Start noticing the interactions of individuals around you. For example, the next time you are in a restaurant watch the people near you. If you're standing in a grocery store, watch a mother with a child. If you're at a place of business (such as paying your electricity bill), watch the parents in line with their children. How often do the parents look the child in the face while talking with them?

In fact, the next time you are speaking to your own children, notice where your eyes are. Do you ever look longer than a second or two in your child's direction? Or are you generally focused on the task at hand?

When I read some time ago that most parents gaze past their children in interactions, I decided to start noticing my own activities with my children. What disturbed me is that the study I'd read about actually occurred in my own home! I saw my husband doing it; I found myself doing it. We might "act" like we were listening, but so often we were focusing on something else.

Don't get me wrong; we've had many fun times as a family. But I don't want to stop on some plateau. I want to strengthen, daily, my relationships with my children. I want to be aware of their needs. I want to be the mother God intends me to be. Thus, I'm always on the lookout for skills, strengths and approaches that can make me a better mother.

Thus, after reading the study years ago, I began watching myself closely. Oh, it took some time to change - for you know what they say - old habits die hard. But I'm glad to announce that I do a better job than I've done in the past.

Here is what I've learned. For example, if one of my children approaches me to talk with me - yet I'm struggling with a tight deadline on a project or Sunday School lesson, etc. - if I actually leave what I'm doing and go sit with them to listen, the time they need from me is actually less.

I find that I look them straight in the eye and listen better. They are like little flowers receiving a refreshing rain. Their emotional "turgidity" is strengthened and very quickly, their needs have been met and they run off to play.

If I don't use this approach, and I try to do my job while pretending to attend to their needs, they linger and linger and linger...continuing to ask me questions.

Children have needs. So do we as adults. Regardless of our needs (and it is important we meet those too), the Lord's expects that we attend to our children's needs. No one else is in the same position to do so as well, nor would another person be expected to.

Like it or not, young people need the adults in their lives. Therefore, the more we look our young family members in the eye while they share their day, their question, or their concern with us, the more they are "fed" and are able to experience positive growth. This is what we want after all, isn't it?

As I've increased taking the time to look directly in my children's eyes when they speak to me - and sustain that look - I've noticed with ever-deepening appreciation each child's unique beauty and value. Joy fills me as I take time for them. You've probably already beaten me to this knowledge, but if not, try it! You'll not only find yourself chuckling and enjoying each child more, but you just might be amazed how awesome each one is - even those who at times aggravate you.