Strengthening Families & Marriages

My daughter asked me yesterday, with great concern in her young voice, why bad things had to happen to good people. She was thinking of the people in Burma (Myanmar) and in China with the recent, horrific events they're experiencing.

I thought of what a deep question this was and indeed, a question that has been asked by people and individuals off and on throughout the history of the world.

I am not a philosopher by trade. In fact, the first two times I attempted to take a required Philosophy class in college, I dropped the class both times; the thinkings were deep and difficult to follow. But because I couldn't graduate without the class, I finally tried a third time. This time, the newest professor actually made sense and his overall enthusiasm soon moved me to a spot where Philosophy became my favorite subject.

But this still doesn't mean I can answer deep philosophical questions the same way a true professional "Philosopher" would. In fact, at dictionary.com the definitions of the term "philosophy" are multiple (how ironic this is -- even within the definition there are different approaches and answers about this one word!).

One definition is: "the rational investigation of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct." Another definition is "the critical study of the basic principles and concepts of a particular branch of knowledge, esp. with a view to improving or reconstituting them: the philosophy of science."

But one of the final definitions mentioned really struck me: "a system of principles for guidance in practical affairs." And it is from this perspective that I want to write today.

As rhetorical as some people could get about "why bad things happen to good people", all of that rhetoric doesn't help soothe the anguish of the moment experienced by individuals suffering through severe times, such as those people in Burma or in China with the cyclone or earthquake (respectively).

But Jesus Christ does speak to this suffering. First of all, He knows of what He speaks. He, who bled from every pore in the Garden of Gethsemane, knows of suffering. He knows of anguish. For He carried it all so that He might know how to succor God's children. And here is what He said,

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls" (Matthew 11:28-29).

I may not have all the philosophical answers to the difficult questions of the world, but I know Someone who does. I testify that He does lift burdens and answer unanswerable questions. All we need do is turn to Him.

Here is more information about Jesus Christ and some of the answers He provides to some of the more unanswerable questions of this life.

I've been studying recently in an instructional booklet put out by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon church because of our belief and use of The Book of Mormon). The instructional booklet is called Improving Gospel Teaching. It is a guide to improve gospel teaching moments, usually in the classroom but also in all other locations.

Perhaps it should not be surprising to find so much information within the booklet about and for parents, when overall the text is essentially geared for teachers within the Church. Because after all, parents are the teachers with greatest impact upon the main body of the Church.

Here is a paragraph from the chapter "Gospel Teaching in the Church":

"God has given His children their agency. Agency is the power to choose good or evil -- to either partake of the plan of redemption or reject it.

"To be able to choose good and partake of the plan of redemption, we must learn of the Savior and the doctrines of His gospel. He has commanded, 'Learn of me, and listen to my words' (D&C 19:23). In response to this commandment, individual members of the Church should study the scriptures and the teachings of latter-day prophets, ponder and pray about them, and apply them in their lives" ("Gospel Teaching in the Church," Improving Gospel Teaching, p. 1).

What a simple path this lays out for us as parents -- to teach our children to:

• Study the scriptures,
• Study the teachings of the latter-day prophets,
• Ponder and pray about them,
• and Apply them in our lives.

Yet these things are not likely to happen consistently for our families if we as parents do not lay out a plan to achieve them. That's when I began thinking about my family's daily activities. First, am I carving out time each day for family scripture study? It need not be hard, scripture study need not be lengthy, it need not be complicated. It simply needs to happen. The word of God can be read for free online or can be inexpensively purchased. How we obtain our books of scripture does not matter as much as making sure we do and then read daily from them.

Second, what about studying the word of God through His living prophets? This could be a great Sunday afternoon activity as a family to visit this link to hear the modern prophets speak -- even if it were only one discourse a week!

Third, have I carved a simple time out of my day to ponder and pray on these things I've read? Have I done the same for my family? A family that prays together stays together, or so the saying goes. Why not start each day with family prayer, everyone kneeling and one person offering their thanks, praises and requests of God? And then end the day each evening the same way. There is a sweet spirit that enters family life for each family who pursues this activity. The Lord waits to bless us and quickly responds to requests for His aid.

Following through with these first three steps mentioned above ensures that we are in the process of applying God's words in our lives. And what transformations begin to happen! I've seen it in the lives of others; I've felt it in my own family's life. As Elder Bruce R. McConkie, a previous apostle for the Mormon church, said:

"Each person must learn the doctrines of the gospel for himself. No one else can do it for him. Each person stands alone where gospel scholarship is concerned; each has access to the same scriptures and is entitled to the guidance of the same Holy Ghost; each must pay the price set by a divine Providence if he is to gain the pearl of great price" (Doctrines of the Restoration: Sermons and Writings of Bruce R. McConkie, ed. Mark L. McConkie [1989], 234).

Truly each one has the responsibility to learn of God and of His manifest goodness. And what a joy it is as a parent to be the guide for our children in that process! Here is a quick and easy link to free online scriptures. Enjoy reading them with your family and enjoying the pearl of great price the Lord has given us to sustain us through our days on earth!

This title, "Home - The Central Place," caught my eye. I was reading in an instructional booklet put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (casually called the Mormons). The booklet was called "Improving Gospel Teaching: A Leader's Guide." Published in 1998, it contains much information under these various headings:

• Gospel Teaching in the Church,
• Leader Support of Teachers,
• Teacher Improvement Meetings,
• and the "Teaching the Gospel" Course.

But it was while I was reading in this booklet that I saw the sub-title, "Home: The Central Place." Actually, the full title was/is "Home: The Central Place for Learning and Teaching the Gospel." The entire title caught my attention, because I realized with great strength how true that saying is.

Imagine a child that goes to church and hears that Jesus taught we should love one another, yet the child returns home and is hit by his parents. Imagine a child that goes to church and hears that we should be honest, yet goes home and sees his parent keeping too much change the store clerk unknowingly gave. Imagine that same child hearing God's truth that the Sabbath day is holy, yet sees his parents hosting a raucous party on Sunday for the Super Bowl.

Yet on the reverse, imagine that same child (instead) hearing during Sunday services about loving one another and returning home to hear his mother say, "Son, you matter to me," accompanied by a big hug. Picture that child hearing in Sunday services the value of honesty and the next day, he sees his father returning the overage in change a store clerk unknowingly gave. And just imagine a child returning home after a Sunday School lesson on the 10 Commandments with the importance of Sabbath day observance, and his parents actually spend time with the family that evening studying the word of God.

In reviewing these scenarios, I realized yet again just how important a statement the title was: "Home - The Central Place for Learning and Teaching the Gospel." In fact, here is a quote from that very section:

The family is ordained of God. It is central to His plan. He has established families to bring happiness to His children, to help them learn the gospel in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare them for eternal life. The home is the most important place to teach, learn, and apply gospel principles (see Mosiah 4:14-15; D&C 68:25-28).

Parents should thoughtfully plan and hold family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and other family activities. They should do all they can to make good use of these teaching opportunities ("Gospel Teaching in the Church," Improving Gospel Teaching, p 1).

While reading this quote, I of course had to face my own parenting skills, approaches, and moments. It is imperative that I make sure I provide the proper atmosphere and environment for my children in their gospel understanding and growth.

As President Spencer W. Kimball said, "Home is where we become experts and scholars in gospel righteousness" (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 129). May we seek these kinds of things for our own families!

For more information on building the family and finding joy therein, feel free to visit the Church's Provident Living website where you will find help to strengthen your marriage, to strengthen your family, and even information of support groups for those seeking to overcome addictions.